On Leaving School

It's that time of the semester again, the midway slump during which I cringe away from all school-related activity and reluctantly sulk on my way to class.

It's also the time when I break down into tears at the mere thought of what I might do with my degree, or how lonely I feel, or how badly I want to go home.

If you can't tell, this is not a normal case of mid-semester blues. 

I am not happy at school, so I am leaving.

No, I'm probably not leaving school for good (I'm actually considering a technical Associates degree). But I am leaving this school for good.

When I first visited, I was struck by the beauty of the campus, the advice the professors gave on choosing a major, and the assurance from a current student that it wasn't a party school.

A beautiful campus doesn't make up for the fact that I'm not clicking with people here or that I have yet, in my nearly a year of study here, to find a niche or a group of friends to hang out with on a regular basis. Nor does it help when I realize that I, a college Junior, still have no idea what I want to study or do with my degree. 

At first, I was reluctant to consider my mother's advice that I leave college. I felt like that would be admitting defeat, that I'd be giving up, that my problems wouldn't magically be solved by leaving. But the more I thought about it, the less appealing staying seemed to me, and the more I wanted to leave.

So I'm going home. I'm taking a semester off to work and spend time with my family and friends. I'm exploring my career options. 

This is not giving up. 

A lot of people come to college without knowing what they want to do. Some figure it out in four years. Many don't. I must be one of the latter, and I figure there's probably a cheaper way to find myself.

So, come December 12, I will bid the University of Mary Washington adieu. The curtain will close on this act of my story. There will be a few months' intermission. Then, the curtain will once again rise, and I will waltz onto the stage more confident, more self-assured, and more ready to take on the world.